Meandering

I don't feel like I have much to write that is anywhere near profound, but I am determined.  One of the things you learn in writing is to always plan out our essay; your beginning, middle, and end.  Well, for now, I will not be doing that.  I just want to "put thoughts to pen and paper," so to speak.

All last night I dreamt of California; how much I missed it.  I'm sure it's just a bad case of nostalgia, but I woke up thinking, how can I make this happen.  I thought about my dad, will he leave me his house in Pearblossom to me?  Not likely, but I could imagine, living in Pearblossom, Vance being a pastor at one of those weird little churches and really shaking things up.  Then, reality set in.  I'm in the middle of building a house, a mansion really.  We are going to be here till we die.  My life in California was over a long time ago.  That realization makes me so sad.  I still want to take the kids to Disneyland in the very near future.

About the house...it's 5000 square feet of decision making.  Bigger than anything I could have ever imagined in my wildest dreams.  I pray that we stay in budget and do not have a huge monthly payment at the end of things.  For now, I'm making the decision of fireplaces.  We have three and they are all different.  Mom will have a gas fireplace in her apartment.  I was thinking about having a regular open fireplace in the great room, and a wood burning stove in the basement.

The kids:  poor Tristan has caught whatever I had that turned into Bronchitis.  I'm going to keep him out of school today.  After school Morgan picks up her new glasses.  She is so smart.  Kael, Rachie, and Will are all well, but I worry about their abilities to focus and will need to come up with a way to help them with that.  My first thought is to turn of the T.V. and the video games.  I am almost positive those things are turning their brains to mush.

That is it for now.  I'm actually going to try to get in some devotion time today.

Starting over...

It's been a very long time since I have put my thoughts on anything; paper, computer, blog...

Before the fire, I would journal constantly.  I had been journaling since age nine and had many that I kept and looked through occasionally.  I even had some of my mother's journals and thoughts she had written.  All of it was burned in the fire.  Subconsciously, I guess I feel, "What's the point?"  Everything on this earth is temporary, why write anything down to keep.  In fact, why save anything at all?  I really don't think I purposely thought these thoughts, but the effect of having them somewhere in my mind has kept me from journaling and, in some cases, even taking pictures and videos.  I have very few pictures and videos and thoughts of the children in this last year and half.  I have decided, that even if it is all destroyed, I will enjoy all these things for as long as I will be allowed to keep them.

So, my New Year's resolution (2 months in advance) is to document and write my thoughts.  We just started building our house.  I will document that.

Since I'm here, I want to record the joy I just felt listening to Kael sing "God Bless Us Everyone" an octave higher than the vocalist on the recording.  It sounded absolutely beautiful and filled my heart and soul.  And that happened just now.  I know I would forget that if I hadn't written it.  What a beautiful and terrible life we have.

I really hope I can remember to share everything with myself and whomever may read this now or in the future.