It's been a very long time since I have put my thoughts on anything; paper, computer, blog...
Before the fire, I would journal constantly. I had been journaling since age nine and had many that I kept and looked through occasionally. I even had some of my mother's journals and thoughts she had written. All of it was burned in the fire. Subconsciously, I guess I feel, "What's the point?" Everything on this earth is temporary, why write anything down to keep. In fact, why save anything at all? I really don't think I purposely thought these thoughts, but the effect of having them somewhere in my mind has kept me from journaling and, in some cases, even taking pictures and videos. I have very few pictures and videos and thoughts of the children in this last year and half. I have decided, that even if it is all destroyed, I will enjoy all these things for as long as I will be allowed to keep them.
So, my New Year's resolution (2 months in advance) is to document and write my thoughts. We just started building our house. I will document that.
Since I'm here, I want to record the joy I just felt listening to Kael sing "God Bless Us Everyone" an octave higher than the vocalist on the recording. It sounded absolutely beautiful and filled my heart and soul. And that happened just now. I know I would forget that if I hadn't written it. What a beautiful and terrible life we have.
I really hope I can remember to share everything with myself and whomever may read this now or in the future.
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